IPTA results

So it's finally out. My local uni results. I'm offered to UPM for Economics. Well, it was my second choice but frankly, I wouldn't mind going there at all if I'm not tied to the scholarship agreement. Well, I should have been glad that I don't have to go all frustrated whether to accept this offer or not as I really don't have a choice at all; but I'm not feeling right. Been a little down this weekend, been thinking if only I didn't accept the offer what would be of me?I would have been anxious, awaiting for the day to come. What's wrong with me anyway? Well, frankly speaking, I couldn't decide whether to go for Economics or Accounting at first. Actually I still couldn't now. Either one is fine with me. But now that I'm doing Accounting already, shouldn't I be just glad and not fret over this offer? Sigh. I'm becoming a pain in the ass right now, so if you (reading this) is finding me annoying, I advise you would better stop reading now as I can assure you that it's not getting any better. Deep down, I have this little desire. I want to experience the uni life, like really local varsity like all my other cousins have. I know people around me have been saying, " ok what, got scholarship, you get free education. etc etc", but sigh, what about my life-long desire?

Actually, as I'm blogging this, I see that I've been hiding this for too long. I've been stopping myself to think about this, by telling myself there's no point for me to think about this; there will not be a possibility in anytime near future for me to accept any local uni offer and to pay back the tuition fees sponsored to me even before completing the course! I can see that my parents can sense me fretting it soon, they've been telling me over and over even before the results was released, that going private is far better than suffering in local uni, knowing how unfair things can get there. Sadly, I have to agree on this point. I know that I should have been very sure of my decision a month ago. I should have know the consequences before accepting the scholarship. It's not that I hate the uni, not that I hate the course, I meet nice people there although there are also some meanies, but that life right, I can't be whining all the time; but the point is I've been wanting to get into a local varsity since forever. That's the whole point of getting into Form 6 right?

Am I worrying unnecessarily? I can't decide. I know making decision is a must-do thing in everyday life. But why must these things be so hard for me to decide? And actually I'm not even in the position to decide. Unless I have enough money to pay back all the tuition fees that have been sponsored to me, just to go for the local uni. Guess all I can do now is just to hope that 28th of June to come faster (the date for us to register) and I can stay gloomy till then and that's it. End of story. No more fretting anymore after that. Arghh!! I hate to be depressed like this. Can someone please give me a big knock on the head ?